In family matters, it's best to keep the involvement of the courts to a minimum. Here are some areas of inquiry and my suggestions on how to avoid the ordeal and expense of having a judge make decisions for you in the event of death, separation or divorce.

FIRST MARRIAGE

• If you are marrying for the first time, whether you are rich or poor, young or not so young, it is advisable to have a prenuptial agreement. This document states the financial status and intentions of each party at the time of the marriage. It also includes any other matter that could lead to a court dispute in the event of death or divorce. Disputes over education for the children, career enhancement, alimony, household expenses and pension rights are not uncommon. Prenuptial agreements are not always totally enforceable in a divorce, however. The court always has the discretion to modify the agreement by taking into consideration new circumstances that were not contemplated by the parties.

SECOND MARRIAGES

• If you are contemplating a second marriage and you wish to preserve assets for the children of your first marriage, it is imperative that you have a prenuptial agreement in which your intended spouse waives rights to the property you want to go to your children. Your agreement should also address all other issues that could cause a dispute in the event of death or divorce. Again, these agreements are not ironclad. The court has the discretion to take into consideration new circumstances that were not contemplated by the parties. But, it is always better to go to court armed with a premarital agreement that states in detail the status and intentions of each party at the time of the marriage.

SEPARATION AGREEMENTS

• If you are considering a separation or divorce, you should have a settlement agreement in place when you petition the court for a judgment or decree. Without a premarital agreement in place, it may be impossible to resolve all property, custody and support matters on your own and you may find yourself having to go through the arduous and difficult processes of negotiation, private mediation or court proceedings. These processes may be characterized as follows:

DIVORCE COURT PROCEEDINGS

1. Court Proceedings: Court proceedings are lengthy and expensive and can be quite impersonal. Adding to the ordeal, attorney fees increase with the amount of time and attention required to take the case through the court system to trial.

2. Mediation: Mediation is conducted by a mediator chosen by the court or by the parties. It is intended to decide the unresolved issues and to avoid the sense of frustration that results from court battles over child custody and property division. I represent my client throughout the mediation and advise as to the recommendations of the mediator. The decision of the mediator is not binding, however, and private mediation fees are not insignificant.

3. Negotiation: Successful negotiation of an uncontested divorce ends in a settlement agreement on all issues, great and small. When support and property issues are complex, I sort through each issue with my client and assist with analyzing tax consequences and determining pension rights, alimony and child support obligations. In many cases, the services of an appraiser and an accountant are required. In custody disputes, psychologists and other professionals specializing in children of divorce may be retained. If a settlement agreement is finally reached, it must set forth the details of all issues and how each one is resolved. The case is then presented to the court as an uncontested divorce. Child custody and support provisions are especially scrutinized because of the court's interest in the welfare of minor children.

4. Trial: Divorces that cannot be settled through negotiation or mediation are taken to court for trial. In some cases, a magistrate assists the court. At trial, the judge hears the testimony of the parties, their experts and other witnesses and then decides every issue that cannot be settled without trial. The parties may appeal to higher courts to reverse or modify the decision of the trial judge. Post-judgment disputes can be as contentious and time-consuming as trial issues. If issues such as pension rights, sale of the marital home, child support and visitation are not clearly decided, additional rulings will be necessary. Appeals from these rulings further prolong final settlement of all issues.

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